Not if your goal is to avoid the No. 1 reason marriages end in divorce: money problems.

Everyone knows, or should know, this. But love and a reluctance to take a hard look at our own financial habits, often keep us from seeing, much less confronting, potential financial troubles in a relationship.

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Failing to do so can lead to serious trouble.

“Mature, responsible conversations about money are a sign of a marriage that’s going to be healthy and wonderful and enduring,” says Brooke Salvini, a certified financial planner based in San Louis Obispo, Calif. “If you can’t talk about money when you are dating, that is a red flag right there.”

To get the conversation rolling, here are seven steps experts recommend to steer clear of potential marital money troubles:

1. DISCLOSE FINANCIAL RECORDS

Before corporations merge, both sides get a close look at each other’s financial records. Take the same approach before you get hitched.

Swap statements for your bank accounts, credit cards, student loans, retirement accounts and so on. Also share credit reports and FICO scores.

“Not only can you start to put together a balance sheet of what the two of you own and what your debts are, you can start to discuss ‘do we want to combine our checking account?’” says Salvini.

2. DISCUSS FINANCIAL GOALS

A huge part of getting in sync with your spouse begins with discussing major life goals and the necessary financial commitments.

Discuss short-term goals, such as paying off credit card debt or buying a car, and longer-term goals such as buying a house, then craft a budget that sets you clearly on a path toward your goals.

3. BUDGET YOUR SPENDING

Failing to create and stick to a mutually agreed budget can lead to marital strife.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. Start by listing monthly income. Be sure to add in interest earned on money-market accounts and dividends from any investments. Then add up expenses, from car payments and rent to groceries, gym membership and utilities.

If you’re making more than you spend each month, you can begin planning how to set aside money for an emergency fund, and for long-term financial goals.

If you are spending more than you earn, it’s time to consider ways to cut spending.

4. TREAT YOUR MONEY AS OUR MONEY

Many newlyweds see the money they earn individually as their own, much as if they might merely be roommates. They keep separate bank accounts and pitch in, perhaps equally, or not, to pay bills.

But that can lead to problems, especially if one spouse earns a lot more than the other, says Anthony Chambers, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

If both spouses work, he suggests they arrange for their paychecks to be deposited directly into a joint account used to pay all shared expenses. If they feel they need to have some of their own money in a separate account, that’s fine. But Chambers says that money should come from the joint account, so both spouses know where the household’s money is going.

5. KEEP CREDIT CARDS SEPARATE

It’s not necessary to make your spouse a joint account holder on your credit cards, especially if he or she has a poor credit history, which can drag down your own credit rating. Instead, make your spouse an authorized user of your credit cards. This will avoid any potential impact to your credit rating. Authorized users are also able to check account balances and track spending on the card.

6. DON’T SPLIT COSTS 50-50

In marriage as in most other scenarios, money is power. Although splitting household costs down the middle may work early in a relationship, it can breed resentment in a marriage when one spouse makes a lot more money than the other. It also can foster a sense that the person who pays more should have more say in financial matters.

“Very few things in marriage are exactly 50-50,” says Chambers. “And that can really start to bring up all of these other issues of fairness.”

Even if costs aren’t split down the middle, it’s important that each spouse have equal say in money decisions.

7. TALK ABOUT SPENDING

Even after you’ve reviewed all the financial paperwork, it’s even more important to find out how your spending habits match up.

Often those habits are developed early and are entrenched. One person might have grown up in a family that counted every penny. Another might part far more easily with money because shopping became a hobby.

Beyond how much someone likes to spend, there are potential conflicts over what we see as a must-have.

Even small differences can become wedge issues.

“The central task of marriage is the management of differences,” says Chambers. “So you want to be able to know early on what those differences are.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about a date I had this weekend. I’m not sure that the guy and I are a right fit for some compatibility reasons, but we did end up having an interesting conversation over coffee on Saturday night. We were discussing the different ways that online dating sucks for girls and for guys. Girls, I was telling him, are inundated with creepy, overly sexual messages from random dudes, including dudes who are way, way, waaaaay too old for us. And this guy was telling me how for dudes, one of the worst things he experiences on a date with a girl is when she is too guarded and gives off a vibe of “I don’t need you.”

The  stereotype may be that women are “too needy,” this guy told me, but the reality of dating strong, successful, accomplished, financially independent women is the exact opposite. “Okay, great, so what role am I supposed to have?” This guy asked me hypothetically. “It’s great if a girl’s got her life together. I think that’s awesome! But I need her to want me to be there because she needs a partner in some way, or else, what’s the point?” I’ve been thinking about this conversation because in the past few years I have had an enormous amount of growth when it comes to love and relationships. I had believed, romantically and perhaps a bit naively, that all it took for a relationship to work was the presence of profound love. I thought that the existence of that love could conquer any and all negative forces that were trying to snuff it out.

I was wrong: it isn’t so simple. Relationships need both parties to have strength, endurance, dedication, selflessness and passion. And since learning that, I’ve dated men with the knowledge that this recipe has more ingredients than I’d perviously thought.  

I’m hardly the first person to write on The Frisky that dating can be disappointing, frustrating and demoralizing. I meet plenty of great guys who are attractive, interesting, successful and claim to have similar goals in terms of settling down and starting a family someday. But I see again and again that those ingredients, that full recipe, isn’t there. And through discussing this topic at length in therapy, I think I’ve finally put my finger on it that a huge part of the problem is the extended adolescence so prevalent in America today.

This revelation came from, of all things, reading this blog that’s marketed towards dudes called The Art Of Manliness that I came across a few years ago. The Art Of Manliness is about “reviving the lost art of manliness” and covers topics like how to tie a tie, how to carve a turkey, and how to ask a woman out on a date. I wrote about it a long time ago because I thought the blog was promoting the enforcement of traditional gender roles in a way that I thought was problematic. I still don’t like the assumption that there are certain skills/qualities one needs to know/possess in order to be a “real” man or woman. Indeed, that’s what feminism is all about, not enforcement traditional gender roles. Yet in the many, many years that I’ve followed this blog, I’ve come to appreciate that it also has some more thoughtful commentary about broader gender issues. In particular, a recent piece about men’s confusion about their identities in regards to the changing face of gender roles today. 

Called “Want To Feel Like A Man? Then Act Like One,” the author Brett explained that “manhood” and “masculinity” mean today are in flux because of changing economical and social shifts, as well as the lack of a traditional rite of passage. This is the part that hit home for me:

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that many grown men out there simply don’t feel like men. I’m not talking about “feeling like a man” in the cartoonish, hyper-masculine sense. Rather, I’m talking about “feeling like a man” in the sense of that quiet confidence that comes from moving from boyhood into mature masculinity.

Many of the guys I’ve talked to (particularly the ones in their 20s and 30s) have confessed to me that they still feel like a teenage boy walking around in a grown man’s body. Because they don’t feel like mature men, many of these young men are putting off adult responsibilities like careers, families, and civic involvement until they can look at themselves in the mirror and say: “I’m a man.”  In the meantime, these young men drift insecurely through life, wondering when they’ll finally start feeling like grown men.

Reading this, it suddenly hit me: I am dating these men.

I am dating 20- and 30-something men who are walking around feeling like and behaving like teenage boys.

I am dating the men who behave selfishly because they’re not mature, or don’t feel mature, enough to do otherwise.

I am dating the men who, at 34-, 37-, even 38-years-old, are still “putting off adult responsibilities” they claim to want to attain, just because they can.

I’ve mentioned on The Frisky before that I’m the youngest of five children and my three older sisters are actually biologically half-sisters from my father’s first marriage.  My dad married when he was 21 and had my three sisters with his wife. Then, when they were both 28-years-old, his first wife died suddenly and my dad became a single parent. My sisters were all under the age of seven.

It was weird for me this year turning 28 and knowing how different our lives have turned out. At my age, my father had already gotten married, was financially supporting his family, and was the single parent of three small kids. Me? My iPhone got briefly turned off two days ago because I didn’t pay the ATT bill on time. To be clear, I have no doubt that if, say, my older sister and brother-in-law died in a horrible accident and I had to step in and raise my nieces, I would rise to the task admirably. But on a day-to-day basis, I’m still able to behave selfishly like, say, “a teenager-plus.” I do this just because I can. The responsibilities in my life are very, very minimal: show up to work on time, pay my bills, take out the recycling, and don’t get so drunk that I fall onto the subway tracks. 

But I’m somewhat different than these guys that The Art of Manliness is writing about — which are the guys that I have had firsthand experience dating.  I want that grownup life. I do feel like a “real woman” already. I want more responsibilities. I want to nest, to make dinner for my family every night, to someday have children. I want to stop being able to be so selfish and be selfless with a partner. I want to settle down and live with the maturity that I know I have within me and stop living like “a teenager plus.”

I was talking about this yesterday with my therapist. I was telling her about the Art of Manliness post and how it made me think about my disappointment with the past several guys that I’ve dated.  One broke up with me because he clearly wanted to keep “sowing his wild oats” instead of settling down. Another one I broke up with was an adult man who had to have everything his way and if he didn’t get what he wanted, on came the toddler-grade temper tantrums. These men were 28 and 34, respectively.  ”Do I have to go to the freaking old folks’ home to find a man who is a mature adult and wants settle down?” I whined to her. 

“Well,” she replied, “who do you think is allowing these men to be this way? I don’t mean you, particularly, but this isn’t happening in a vacuum.  Men are this way because women have allowed them to be this way. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing! I remember when I was your age, getting married and having kids in your early 20s was just what you did.  Now society has changed so much in a generation and a half that there isn’t a script anymore. That’s why I think ‘Mad Men’ is so popular. People knew what you were ‘supposed’ to do … and that just isn’t the case anymore. You’re not the first person to sit on this couch and be confused and disappointed about this.”

Great, I grumbled to myself. Even my therapist seems to think this is a lost cause.  

Upon further thought, I think my date this weekend and I may be having the same problem — but from different points of view. Maybe both genders are just being too selfish just because both of them can. And maybe my therapist, as much as it sounds sexist to phrase it this way, had a point: maybe men need women to tell them it’s time to settle down because we need them to be grownups.

I’m not trying to make it sound like feminism has failed, Don Draper wasn’t selfish, or that “Mad Men” was some sort of ideal for gender relations.  Of course not. I am saying, though, that I think I need to make it clear that I’m not interested in dating someone who is “28 for the fourth year in a row,” as John Mayer put it on “Ellen” this week. Otherwise, we I taking my business elsewhere because I’m not interested. 

I don’t know if this is the answer.  But I do know that going forward in dating, I’m going to be more particular about how selfish and self-centered the men that I get involved with are. I just can’t do it anymore, to date these grown men who are “teenagers-plus”; I want to date someone who is secure in his maturity, and that includes his willingness to be selfless. 

[Art Of Manliness]

Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.

Image via Thinkstock

These observers detest, in no particular order: the public relations professionals, the “media managers”, attorneys, agents, trainers, handlers, the corporate partners and brands that are part and parcel of Street League’s very existence.

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Others argue that Street League is simply part of skateboarding’s natural progression. As skateboarding became more spectacular in its feats, more legible, it was only a matter of time before it reached a wider audience. Street League defenders might also argue that if skateboarding is going to be a fact of mainstream American cultural life, why not productively engage with the wider markets. In all likelihood, there is no way either side will ever prevail in this interminable debate about what skateboarding should be, what it’s supposed to look like.

Alas, this report from the frontlines of Street League 2012 will not answer these eternal questions. Certainly neither the views of Street League’s defenders nor its critics will receive adequate airing in this short, timely blog post from the last practice day before Street League season officially begins in earnest, tomorrow.

For now, let us all take a deep breath, use our inside voices, put our swords away, let cooler heads prevail and shift discussion, ever so gently, back to something we all love: skateboarding.

Wherever you stand on these pressing issues of the day what is inarguable is this: The skateboarding on display at Street League is of unparalleled excellence, unrivaled quality.

The previous sentence is simply a haughty way of saying that the skaters at Street League are rad at what they do and their skating is super sick.

Case in point: Bastien Salanbanzi.

SALABANZI SHINES IN STREET LEAGUE THURSDAY PRACTICE SESSION
If you think that the Bastien Salabanzi comeback-narrative is merely a media invention, his attendance at Thursday’s Street League practice session would swiftly disabuse you of that cynical notion. Simply put: Dude killed it today. What was not left to be killed he murdered. What was not slaughtered was completely slayed. Please do not accuse this reporter of hyperbole. Let me simply lay out the facts.

On the centerpiece bump to bump obstacle Salabanzi executed a caballerial double-kick flip. On one of the rails he pulled a double kickflip backlip. He landed a rather larger 360 flip with such authority and force you felt like it almost shook the roof of the Spring Center.

He was one fire.

Salabanzi exudes a pathological intensity perhaps born of years spent in the wilderness outside of the American skateboarding industry. It wasn’t just that these tricks were among the best of the practice session. (Which they were.) It was also the way he did them. Even if you did not know his dramtic narrative you would have sensed a certain drama about him as he skated the new Street League course.

Mr. Salabanzi sat for a brief interview with ESPN.com during today’s practice session. Though he has a reputation for being, shall we say, outspoken he could not have been more polite. However, at the very end of the interview this reporter blurted out this rather inane question: Do you want to win?

Mr. Salabanzi, with a twinkle in his eye said, “Would I be here if I didn’t?”

KANSAS CITY’S SKATEBOARDING COMMUNITY GREETS STREET LEAGUE WARMLY, WARILY
Though “media day” at Street League sounds rather impressive, in fact, there were few if any representatives of major new organizations in attendance at the “open” practice session. However — in the section of the stands in which we were sequestered by the third-party PR firm handling Street League ops — several young non-traditional “new media” types keenly observed the epic skateboard session that was underway in the Sprint Center arena. As Paul Rodriguez did his switch 360 flips with characteristic finesse, and Sean Malto performed “buttery” frontside nose grinds on the bank to hubba with surgical precision these young “content-creators” offered ESPN.com their nuanced on views on what Street League means to them, what impact the contest might have on their skateboarding community.

One and all spoke of the warm and supportive nature of the Kansas City skateboarding scene.

“I feel like the Midwest is the last bastion of pure skateboarding,” said JP Redmon, the proprietor of Heeepist.com, a website devoted to curating vintage Kansas City skate video footage.

“Street League is a double-edged sword,” he added. “I like all the support and attention we are finally getting. Maybe the Midwest is the last skateboard place to be colonized. I just want skateboarding to be good hands.”

“There is a hell of a lot of great skateboarders here today,” offered Grant Puckett, a 19-year-old student at the Art Institute International of Kansas City, who had successfully lobbied Street League’s publicity machine for a press pass.

“Nyjah [Huston] is amazing,” he said. “But I’m rooting for Sean [Malto].”

ROB
No Street League ESPN.com skateboarding blog post would be complete without a quote from the Gatsbyesque figure at the center of Street League’s digitized sport, pomp and pageantry: Rob Dyrdek.

In person Mr. Dyrdek still retains the slight build and swagger of a popular adolescent, the cool guy at the prom. Up close his bejeweled watch and diamond-encrusted ring look even more incandescent, ludicrously multihued.

During his course-side discussion with ESPN.com he wanted to clarify one point. He knows that the film “Righteous Kill,” starring Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro and Curtis “Fifty Cent” Jackson is really, really, bad. Mr. Dyrdek, who as previously reported appeared in the film as a skateboarding procurer of prostitutes, “Let me say this about ‘Righteous Kill,’” Mr. Dyrdek said. “You’re offered a role in a movie with 50 Cent, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino and they’re like, ‘The only way you can do this is if you play a skateboarding pimp.’ And it’s like… It’s a life experience man. You can’t buy that.”

He also wanted to let reader know that Street League 2012 is going to be gnarly.

“Pro skateboarders love skateboarding contests. This is amazingly fun for them,” Dyrdek said. “It just feels so good. The course is gnarly and flowable. It still feels like a super sick plaza, fully flowable.”

“It’s part of this weird dance that I do,” Dyrdek observed of his career, and the mix of candid commercial appeal and hardcore street skating that Street League embodies. “I am very aware of what I am doing, how I am doing it.”

“Welcome man, welcome,” Dyrdek said to the competitors as they passed by on foot and on skateboards.

NEW CONTESTANTS IN STREET LEAGUE EXCITED, NERVOUS, RAD
This morning, as I was exiting the elevator at the Westin Kansas City Downtown Plaza hotel I ran into none other than Mystery pro Tom Asta, one of five skaters who earned a spot in the 2012 Street League for the first time. Mr. Asta looked wide-eyed. He clutched a board. He was wearing his signature beanie. “Do you know where room 1245 is?” he asked. I offered that it might be on the 12th floor. With a complete lack of self-consciousness he thanked me warmly and went on his merry way.

Later in the day, around 4:00, I spoke to him on the Street Course, as Rob Dyrdek looked paternally on.
“There were two towers [at the Westin hotel],” Mr. Asta explained. “I wasn’t sure which one I was in. I didn’t want to go up the wrong one.”

If Asta was a bit lost in the Westin’s cavernous environs he appeared completely at home on the Street League course. Like most of the skaters he made much use of the much vaunted new addition to the course: a quarterpipe.

The ramp is meant to increase the “flowability” of the course, to facilitate the new “line” section of the contest. (Dyrdek calls “lines” the “soul of skateboarding.”)

Matt Miller, whose recent switch stance heelflip up the Berrics staircase has to be seen to be believed and then when it is seen will still not be believed, expressed excitement about his first season with The League.

Though Miller’s manner is one of unadulterated affability, he acknowledged that Street League sometimes rewards a certain caginess among its competitors.

“I am not doing my biggest tricks today. You don’t want to let the cat out of the bag too soon,” he said with a giant smile.

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Two local faces will be seen on NBC’s “Love in the Wild,” premiering at 9 p.m. June 5.

The show, hosted by Jenny McCarthy, pairs up singles in the Dominican Republic. The couples compete in physical challenges and decide whether to stay coupled or try a better romantic or competitive match with a member of another couple.

Leo Borriello, who graduates from Drexel University next month with a double major in marketing and legal studies, has already lined up a job with JP Morgan Chase in Wilmington, Del., and says he’s pretty sure he didn’t do anything on camera during “Love in the Wild” that will upset his new bosses.

We get the feeling that Borriello, 27, who says he’s “always up for a wild adventure,” went on the show more to be on TV than to find love, because he told us he had previously made it to the final audition round for casting on MTV’s “The Real World.”

The Italian-born, Connecticut-raised aspiring model says his abs and his smile are usually his keys to a woman’s heart or, her, well, let’s just say her heart.

Asked if he had gotten any on the show, Borriello replied: “I always get something somewhere. That’s all I can say about that.”

Manayunk’s Jenny Blatt said she went on the show “to find someone and to find out about myself” through the adventure. Northeast native Blatt, 27, works at a Center City advertising agency and looks for guys who are honest and loyal, after walking in on her boyfriend of five years with another woman.

Blatt, a lifelong gymnast, she also likes “dorky guys.” Blatt, who says she’s extremely sarcastic and places her sense of humor and her red hair among her best features, plans to watch the premiere with her girlfriends at a bar in Manayunk.

She said she had an amazing time on the show but initially was worried about how everyone would get along. So everybody got along, we asked? “Well, you’ll see,” Blatt said.

Read more from our column in Thursday’s Daily News.

It’s the time of year when spirited young women and men graduate from the joyous, beer-soaked, afternoon-napping-allowed world of college and enter the soul-crushing, coffee-soaked, afternoon-napping-frowned-upon world of work.

I kid, of course – graduates, you’ll love the real world! (No, you won’t. … Return to school immediately. … I haven’t had fun in 20 years. PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU!!)

As most of you know, the first post-graduation step is to get the throw-up off the shoes you rented for your graduation ceremony. The next is to get a job, which is unfortunate because there aren’t quite as many of those as there used to be.

I consulted with job search experts and business owners to come up with some pragmatic tips for young job seekers – not the “add some zazz to your resume!” or “make sure to wear a power tie” type of advice. Concrete, sensible stuff that fits the modern business world.

Tom Walter is head of a company called Tasty Catering and co-author of the coming book “It’s My Company Too!” He said the vast majority of companies that are hiring are smaller ones with fewer than 500 employees. Yet many college graduates are still being taught job search and interview approaches tailored for large, monolithic corporations.

Smaller businesses, Walter said, tend to look for employees they believe will fit into the company’s culture – they’re “hiring for attitude.”

“If you’re looking for a job, you don’t want to just take something that comes along,” he said. “You need to find a place that matches your core values. That’s a place where you’ll be recognized, and that’s a place where you’ll have a better chance of getting hired.”

This requires research. Simply applying for every job you hear about isn’t going to get it done. You need to take some time, reflect on what inspires you, talk to people in the field about what they do and then start finding companies that match your desires.

“What they should do is investigate the company and deeply dive into it and figure out if their personal skills and values line up,” Walter said. “Ask about the culture, ask about core values, ask about how they measure your performance.

“We had this young man come in here once for an interview, and he knew about our culture and he said what was important to him was that he be respected from the day he starts working. That was clearly a differentiator. That stood out.”

The young man got the job.

So the lesson here is that before you find work, you’ve got to do work. And if it goes right, you’ll wind up in a job that’s a good fit, which is a rare feat for a person just out of college.

Along with researching the daylights out of companies, graduates need to network like never before. Talk to alumni, friends of family, friends of friends, strangers you meet on the street. (OK, maybe not that last one.)

Kathy Ver Eecke, a marketing expert who works with early stage startups, suggests finding the heads of smaller companies on social media and interacting with them. Comment on their tweets or shoot them links to stories you think might be of interest. Ask whether you can meet them for coffee or try to set up an informational interview.

She suggests that candidates “express enthusiasm for the business that borders on obsession.” Smaller companies are looking for people who are driven, informed and can bring something to the table right off the bat.

Given the competitive nature of the job market, you might have to settle for part-time opportunities or contract work at first. But remember, anything you do, whether it’s paid or volunteer, provides critical experience and opens more networking doors.

Once you land an interview with a target company, be prepared to ask questions that show you care not just about the job but also about the company’s character.

“If you come in just like every other person and talk the applicant talk, the stuff many 45-year-old people are telling college students to do, that’s not going to work,” Walter said. “You need to ask questions like: What are your core values and what does your company stand for? How do you make your culture work? As an employee, what would your organization judge me on most?”

Don’t ask questions like this just to suck up to the interviewer. You should be asking them earnestly, because if your beliefs and desires line up with the company’s, you’ll be a far better and happier worker. Fresh out of college, this is the right time to figure out what you need to feel fulfilled at work. It gets harder to do that later in life.

Walter summed it up nicely in a recent post on his blog, “Thomas J Walter The Serial Entrepreneur” (thomasjwalter.com): “As a graduate trying to gain employment, screen companies for their ability to provide you an income, but join a company that shares your attitude and core values. Skills can be taught to an individual, but an individual’s attitude can rarely be changed.”

I came out of college, believe it or not, as a chemical engineer. I worked, miserably, for several years before realizing that writing was my passion. It took several more years to find my path, but once I got there I never looked back.

And now I’m American’s most beloved workplace advice columnist, self-declared.

So regardless of how cheesy it might sound, find what drives you. Then find the job that matches and go after it like a rabid bulldog.

And if you decide to return to college, give me a shout. I’m totally gonna crash on your futon.

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Rex Huppke writes for the Chicago Tribune. Send him questions by email at rhuppke@tribune.com or on Twitter @RexWorksHere.

It’s the time of year when spirited young women and men graduate from the joyous, beer-soaked, afternoon-napping-allowed world of college and enter the soul-crushing, coffee-soaked, afternoon-napping-frowned-upon world of work.

I kid, of course — graduates, you’ll love the real world! (No, you won’t. … Return to school immediately. … I haven’t had fun in 20 years. PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU!!)

As most of you know, the first post-graduation step is to get the throw-up off the shoes you rented for your graduation ceremony. The next is to get a job, which is unfortunate because there aren’t quite as many of those as there used to be.

I consulted with job search experts and business owners to come up with some pragmatic tips for young job seekers — not the “add some zazz to your resume!” or “make sure to wear a power tie” type of advice. Concrete, sensible stuff that fits the modern business world.

Tom Walter is head of a company called Tasty Catering and co-author of the coming book “It’s My Company Too!” He said the vast majority of companies that are hiring are smaller ones with fewer than 500 employees. Yet many college graduates are still being taught job search and interview approaches tailored for large, monolithic corporations.

Smaller businesses, Walter said, tend to look for employees they believe will fit into the company’s culture — they’re “hiring for attitude.”

“If you’re looking for a job, you don’t want to just take something that comes along,” he said. “You need to find a place that matches your core values. That’s a place where you’ll be recognized, and that’s a place where you’ll have a better chance of getting hired.”

This requires research. Simply applying for every job you hear about isn’t going to get it done. You need to take some time, reflect on what inspires you, talk to people in the field about what they do and then start finding companies that match your desires.

“What they should do is investigate the company and deeply dive into it and figure out if their personal skills and values line up,” Walter said. “Ask about the culture, ask about core values, ask about how they measure your performance.

“We had this young man come in here once for an interview, and he knew about our culture and he said what was important to him was that he be respected from the day he starts working. That was clearly a differentiator. That stood out.”

The young man got the job.

So the lesson here is that before you find work, you’ve got to do work. And if it goes right, you’ll wind up in a job that’s a good fit, which is a rare feat for a person just out of college.

Along with researching the daylights out of companies, graduates need to network like never before. Talk to alumni, friends of family, friends of friends, strangers you meet on the street. (OK, maybe not that last one.)

“We had this young man come in here once for an interview, and he knew about our culture and he said what was important to him was that he be respected from the day he starts working.

Kathy Ver Eecke, a marketing expert who works with early stage startups, suggests finding the heads of smaller companies on social media and interacting with them. Comment on their tweets or shoot them links to stories you think might be of interest. Ask whether you can meet them for coffee or try to set up an informational interview.

She suggests that candidates “express enthusiasm for the business that borders on obsession.” Smaller companies are looking for people who are driven, informed and can bring something to the table right off the bat.

Given the competitive nature of the job market, you might have to settle for part-time opportunities or contract work at first. But remember, anything you do, whether it’s paid or volunteer, provides critical experience and opens more networking doors.

Once you land an interview with a target company, be prepared to ask questions that show you care not just about the job but also about the company’s character.

“If you come in just like every other person and talk the applicant talk, the stuff many 45-year-old people are telling college students to do, that’s not going to work,” Walter said. “You need to ask questions like: What are your core values and what does your company stand for? How do you make your culture work? As an employee, what would your organization judge me on most?”

Don’t ask questions like this just to suck up to the interviewer. You should be asking them earnestly, because if your beliefs and desires line up with the company’s, you’ll be a far better and happier worker. Fresh out of college, this is the right time to figure out what you need to feel fulfilled at work. It gets harder to do that later in life.

Walter summed it up nicely in a recent post on his blog, “Thomas J Walter The Serial Entrepreneur” (thomasjwalter.com): “As a graduate trying to gain employment, screen companies for their ability to provide you an income, but join a company that shares your attitude and core values. Skills can be taught to an individual, but an individual’s attitude can rarely be changed.”

I came out of college, believe it or not, as a chemical engineer. I worked, miserably, for several years before realizing that writing was my passion. It took several more years to find my path, but once I got there I never looked back.

And now I’m American’s most beloved workplace advice columnist, self-declared.

So regardless of how cheesy it might sound, find what drives you. Then find the job that matches and go after it like a rabid bulldog.

And if you decide to return to college, give me a shout. I’m totally gonna crash on your futon.

———

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Rex Huppke writes for the Chicago Tribune. Send him questions by email at rhuppke@tribune.com or on Twitter @RexWorksHere.

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It’s the time of year when spirited young women and men graduate from the joyous, beer-soaked, afternoon-napping-allowed world of college and enter the soul-crushing, coffee-soaked, afternoon-napping-frowned-upon world of work.

I kid, of course — graduates, you’ll love the real world! (No, you won’t. … Return to school immediately. … I haven’t had fun in 20 years. PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU!!)

As most of you know, the first post-graduation step is to get the throw-up off the shoes you rented for your graduation ceremony. The next is to get a job, which is unfortunate because there aren’t quite as many of those as there used to be.

I consulted with job search experts and business owners to come up with some pragmatic tips for young job seekers — not the “add some zazz to your resume!” or “make sure to wear a power tie” type of advice. Concrete, sensible stuff that fits the modern business world.

Tom Walter is head of a company called Tasty Catering and co-author of the coming book “It’s My Company Too!” He said the vast majority of companies that are hiring are smaller ones with fewer than 500 employees. Yet many college graduates are still being taught job search and interview approaches tailored for large, monolithic corporations.

Smaller businesses, Walter said, tend to look for employees they believe will fit into the company’s culture — they’re “hiring for attitude.”

“If you’re looking for a job, you don’t want to just take something that comes along,” he said. “You need to find a place that matches your core values. That’s a place where you’ll be recognized, and that’s a place where you’ll have a better chance of getting hired.”

This requires research. Simply applying for every job you hear about isn’t going to get it done. You need to take some time, reflect on what inspires you, talk to people in the field about what they do and then start finding companies that match your desires.

“What they should do is investigate the company and deeply dive into it and figure out if their personal skills and values line up,” Walter said. “Ask about the culture, ask about core values, ask about how they measure your performance.

“We had this young man come in here once for an interview, and he knew about our culture and he said what was important to him was that he be respected from the day he starts working. That was clearly a differentiator. That stood out.”

The young man got the job.

So the lesson here is that before you find work, you’ve got to do work. And if it goes right, you’ll wind up in a job that’s a good fit, which is a rare feat for a person just out of college.

Along with researching the daylights out of companies, graduates need to network like never before. Talk to alumni, friends of family, friends of friends, strangers you meet on the street. (OK, maybe not that last one.)

“We had this young man come in here once for an interview, and he knew about our culture and he said what was important to him was that he be respected from the day he starts working.

Kathy Ver Eecke, a marketing expert who works with early stage startups, suggests finding the heads of smaller companies on social media and interacting with them. Comment on their tweets or shoot them links to stories you think might be of interest. Ask whether you can meet them for coffee or try to set up an informational interview.

She suggests that candidates “express enthusiasm for the business that borders on obsession.” Smaller companies are looking for people who are driven, informed and can bring something to the table right off the bat.

Given the competitive nature of the job market, you might have to settle for part-time opportunities or contract work at first. But remember, anything you do, whether it’s paid or volunteer, provides critical experience and opens more networking doors.

Once you land an interview with a target company, be prepared to ask questions that show you care not just about the job but also about the company’s character.

“If you come in just like every other person and talk the applicant talk, the stuff many 45-year-old people are telling college students to do, that’s not going to work,” Walter said. “You need to ask questions like: What are your core values and what does your company stand for? How do you make your culture work? As an employee, what would your organization judge me on most?”

Don’t ask questions like this just to suck up to the interviewer. You should be asking them earnestly, because if your beliefs and desires line up with the company’s, you’ll be a far better and happier worker. Fresh out of college, this is the right time to figure out what you need to feel fulfilled at work. It gets harder to do that later in life.

Walter summed it up nicely in a recent post on his blog, “Thomas J Walter The Serial Entrepreneur” (thomasjwalter.com): “As a graduate trying to gain employment, screen companies for their ability to provide you an income, but join a company that shares your attitude and core values. Skills can be taught to an individual, but an individual’s attitude can rarely be changed.”

I came out of college, believe it or not, as a chemical engineer. I worked, miserably, for several years before realizing that writing was my passion. It took several more years to find my path, but once I got there I never looked back.

And now I’m American’s most beloved workplace advice columnist, self-declared.

So regardless of how cheesy it might sound, find what drives you. Then find the job that matches and go after it like a rabid bulldog.

And if you decide to return to college, give me a shout. I’m totally gonna crash on your futon.

———

ABOUT THE WRITER:

Rex Huppke writes for the Chicago Tribune. Send him questions by email at rhuppke@tribune.com or on Twitter @RexWorksHere.

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